Friendship
Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Today was filled with small triumphs and frustrations, unexpected let-downs and happy surprises, but at the end of the day, it was just me alone. There was nobody waiting to hear about any of it, no emails, no phone calls, no texts for me, and with all the things I wanted to say to someone – I didn’t know who to tell. Soon I was reminiscing about friendships from long ago.
I remember being a kid who moved all the time so I was no stranger to being alone and friendless in a new place, but I also remember what I did back then. I wrote letters to my friends in other places. I had one best friend who I wrote all the time, and she always wrote back. We both moved (her a few times, and me so many times I lost track) and still we kept in touch to the degree that when I saw her years later it was as if no time had passed at all. We still knew each other. At any time, no matter what was happening in my life, I knew that there was someone who would care, would hear me, and would respond by sharing her own stories with me. It meant that I was never really alone.
Somewhere along the way things changed, life changed for me, and I lost all the friends who had been such an important part of my life for so long, including her. Google for any number of phrases regarding friendship and you’re bound to find a slew of articles talking about how friendship has changed, and usually technology is made into the culprit. It’s blamed for the disconnection people feel, for dwindling face-to-face interactions, for the reduction of interactions between people to tweets and status updates, short blurbs and jokes, and an increasing lack of real intimacy between friends.
The number of close friends or confidantes that people list has decreased over the past twenty years particularly in the area of those who would provide any real support. But, losing touch has always been a problem as people grow up and their lives become busier and more focused on matters besides friendship. I think of that old poem “Around the Corner” by Charles Hanson Towne and I know it’s an issue that’s been around a long time. It’s not just today’s technology that’s the cause, although that can create different barriers and issues. It’s a matter of how we let life push us away from others, changing our focus and our priorities.
By the time we realize how far apart we’ve drifted from each other, it can become a real struggle to reconnect. A growing number of people are expanding their network of acquaintances and more surface-level friendships while their deeper connections and true confidantes diminish. And more than all the health benefits touted recently for having good friends (longer lives, better ability to cope with stress, lower heartrates and cholesterol, etc.) there’s something immeasurably good about having that relationship, that open interaction, communication and trust.
I think of kid-me sitting alone after a particularly good or bad day and pouring out her heart to her friend, or what it felt like to find a letter addressed to me from a friend in my mailbox – how quickly I opened it, and how slowly and carefully I read it, and I know the importance and the value of friendship, and wonder how I could have taken it for granted or let it slip away, and how I can find it again. We value our friends so much when we’re kids, but we don’t ever outgrow the need for them. I think a lot of us just deny that need, pushing it away as we become more and more isolated. I know I’ve seen my independence and self-reliance as a strength many times in my life, or thought I didn’t have the time or energy to devote to my friendships – but thinking back on all the best times in my life I realize that I was able to do so much more, and life felt so much easier when I did spend the time to give support and receive it from my friends. Even if we can do it all alone, there’s no good reason we should.
Seven Billion 